the truth about being mommy mom mom mom mommy

Hello there, if your reading this chances are you're a mom too, and I'd like to introduce myself to you formally. My name is Stacy or aka mommy mom mom mommy, that is what my daughter calls me, but for this you can call me Stacy. Now, I can probably guess that if your reading this you might be frustrated or at the very least you want to feel that you aren't alone....and you aren't, I'm here, on the other side of the web sphere, trying to get my child to eat a muffin. Trying to get her to eat anything that isn't noodles smothered with cheese. All while she watches the nightmare before Christmas for the four hundredth  time in two weeks. ( I used to really enjoy this movie. Now its the soundtrack to my life ) As I'm sitting here I'm belting Jacks lamenting ballad about how his life isn't the same, I get is Jack. I really do. 

I'm a part time worker and I stay home with my pooskah. Its worth it, it really is, but that doesn't mean that its always easy. And while I love her, It's ok to admit that maybe....just maybe my beautiful, affectionate daughter can be a fucking asshole. There I said it, now all you snoots out there, stop reading cause this about to get real. You can love your kid and still think they need their asses smacked. My kid is high functioning busy body that thinks everything is hers and she doesn't have to do what you tell her, then she bats those baby blues she got from her father and says "kisses mommy" and I melt like a snow cone on a hot street...on the inside, I know  this game you little jerk, on the outside I am a hard stoical tyrant. This is NOT A DEMOCRACY OF CUTENESS. I'm the boss damn it, and that cute little face is not winning. EAT YOUR DAMN MUFFIN. Shes 15 months and already she's a Beatrix Kiddo with ninja like skills and a cute face. I've been calling her black mamba under my breath for a week now. Shes cute, she's demanding and she hates sleeping. Shes never liked sleeping and to this day unless she's sleeping on my chest she flips and flops her tiny body taking up a king sized bed. I don't drink, but some nights I want a shot of vodka. As I was just typing that last sentence she crumbled up her muffin and threw it into that floor...I just mopped the day before yesterday. *sigh* I take another sip of red bull and keep typing. Fuck it. I'll get it later. 

FUCK IT I'LL GET IT LATER. that should be my motto. I think I'll make bumper stickers. You guys should buy one. It will go to a good cause, my vodka and red bull fund, scratch the vodka, I'll never drink it but the red bull fund we are onto something and my husband will thank you because my habit of that particular caffeinated beverage is expensive. I say fuck it at least 20 times a day, I let her run around in the living room which is baby proofed and that room is dead to me almost a week at a time. It gets cleaned and organized one day a week and that day she goes to the baby sitters to play with kids. It stays clean for a bout an hour after she gets home. Fuck it. I'll get it later. say it. you'll feel better. I promise. My approach to parenting isn't for everyone especially if you are neat freak or have OCD, luckily I don't have any of those things. I'm a procrastinator by nature so it takes a fire under my ass to get me to even put jeans on, ( do these lounge pants look like I have camel toe? wait is that food....can anyone see it if I go out? ) I'm the mom whose make up looks fantastic but my outfit looks like I slept in it for 3 days, so that shows how much I have my shit together.  

My best friend came over yesterday, and she talked about how tired she was picking up after her 8 month old. I looked to her and said don't do it, as long as he isn't in danger or getting hurt, just leave it. When he goes to bed, take 15 mins and go pick it up. I'm sorry I'm not killing myself to keep my house neat because I know my daughter, she doesn't care about it being neat. She cares about chaos and doing what she wants. Shes 15 months. She's learning, and when night time comes we do what I call the basket toss, its where we take her toys and toss them in the basket. we don't put them all away, but she gets the idea that shes supposed to put her toys up, after the basket toss, dinner is served and she eats ( or doesn't, It's been a challenge, she used to eat everything) my dishes sit in the sink until morning, why, because I'm not killing myself to be perfect. None of us should. Laundry? it sits till I can get too it. I'm often busy playing with her, we like to play tickle monster, mommy vampire and color time where we both have our own coloring books and we color each others master pieces. My day is busy guys, teaching this wanna be ninja how to be a good person, keeping her out of stuff that can hurt her and shes very helpful with a swiffer mop ( seriously that is the best toy, and she is helping, she wants to help so badly) she can already say thank you, please and welcome, she can also scream and yell and throw her self down in the floor and tell me no, she learned mean and stinky recently. My older brother is trying to get her to say "bye bitch" she hasn't picked that one up....yet. 

The point of this rant is that we don't have to be perfect moms, we aren't perfect people, and we can think our kids are wonderful and a handful at the same time. WE CAN BE FRUSTRATED. We can be pissed off that we wanted 15 mins to do a full face glam makeup look and she is whining because she can't take a bath and keeps trying to climb into the bathtub. Grinning and baring it seems to be a constant theme between all moms everywhere, and I'm no different, although I do it a lot less than other moms. I speak up when I'm having a bad day with her, I make light of the situations when I'm fucking tired and running on fumes, but I always speak up when she does amazing things, and that is something she does every day. 

Look for more blogs about being a new mom, make-up and health soon.